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| Walking Down the Aisle |
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Photo by
Bammi Photography
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By Allison
Moir-Smith, MA,
Emotionally Engaged
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"DON'T BE NERVOUS," the wedding coordinator will say, followed
by the minister, your father, your sister, your maid-of-honor,
and your flowergirl.
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Are they NUTS? Are they the ones wearing a big, white dress? Are
they about to make a lifelong commitment? In front of everyone
they love? With all eyes on them?
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"Don't be nervous" -- I think not.
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I believe that anyone who tells a bride not to be nervous during
the walk down the aisle is WRONG WRONG WRONG. Here are many
reasons why:
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It is one of the Big Moments of life.
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It is a grand entrance.
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It is silent.
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It is ceremonial -- guests stand to honor you.
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It is transformative -- it marks the ending of one life and the
beginning of another.
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It is sad -- just look at your Dad.
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It is happy -- just look at your husband-to-be.
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It is epic and ancient -- think of the millions of brides
through the ages who have walked this walk before you.
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It is the most photographed walk of your life.
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It is life-changing and profound.
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Tension is supposed to build
Even architecturally, the aisle acts as a funnel: taking the big
feelings and funneling them into a smaller space, thereby turning
up the emotional heat.
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Solution: invite the nervousness
What to do? Invite the nervousness and tension to accompany you
during your walk. It worked for me and my wedding party.
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Before we walked down the aisle, I gathered my girls in a huddle
and said, "Listen, we're supposed to be nervous. I am about
to change
my life in a huge way, and you guys are picking up on my feelings.
Plus, walking alone, with all eyes on you -- that's stressful! So
it's appropriate to be nervous. Don't fight it."
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My Dad -- who, my older sisters reported, tends to chat down the
aisle -- even succumbed to the nervousness and big feelings.
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"How are you doing?" I asked.
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"I'm sad and happy. Sad I'm losing you and happy I'm gaining a new
son-in-law." It was exactly how I was feeling -- and had been
feeling for much of my engagement. We had a real and lovely
connection.
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As we reached the entrance to the field where the ceremony was to
take place, we saw that guests were
standing.
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"Oh my God," I panicked. "Did I not order enough chairs?"
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"No, honey," Dad said. "They're standing for us."
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We laughed, holding each other calmly and warmly down the
meandering path to where Jason, weepy-eyed and moved, was waiting
for me.
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About the
author: Allison Moir-Smith, MA, of
Emotionally Engaged is a
therapist who specializes in counseling brides. A 2003 bride calls
The Emotions of Being Engaged
workshop "fun,
enlightening, and very comforting." Questions? Call for FREE
consultation 617-739-5353.
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