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| Keeping Your Single Friends Close |
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Exposure Photo & Video Production
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by Allison Moir-Smith, MA,
Emotionally Engaged |
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Many brides are confused by the instant distance that
comes between them and their single girlfriends when they get
engaged. In workshops, I've heard brides say:
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"My friends aren't very
interested in hearing about my wedding. That hurts."
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"I'm afraid of talking about how happy
I am -- afraid it'll hurt their feelings."
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"I'm not feeling close to them. I don't know what to sayor if I
should say anything at all."
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"It's too complicated to deal with my single friends, and it's
easier to spend time with new friends I've made on wedding
websites."
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Why is there distance between a bride and her single
girlfriends?
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Because weddings hurt. Think back to a time when a close
friend got engaged. Yes, you were happy for her. But her engagement
prompted you to assess your own life.
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You saw, perhaps, how the relationship you were in was
light-years away from marriage. Or you felt anxious about never
getting married. Or you felt embarrassed about your single status.
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Yet you put on a happy face for your friend. But inside, you
felt awful.
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To protect themselves, many single women build a wall
between themselves and the bride
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The result: both the bride and her friend are hurting,
lonely, confused, and probably angry at the other.
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It's up to you, the bride, to initiate a real
conversation with your closest friends. To share how you're
feeling - that you're missing them, and that you feel the distance.
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And to acknowledge how you're getting married might be rough on
them.
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You can say something like: "I remember how hard it was for me
when Stacy got married 3 years ago. I was jealous, sad, angry,
scared. Being single at the wedding was really hard. I've been
thinking about you a lot since I got engaged, knowing how I felt
about Stacy's wedding."
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Whether or not your friend shares how she's doing, she
will definitely feel taken care of by you. She'll see how important
she is to you, and how much you value her feelings and your
friendship.
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By being real with her, the gap between you will close. By
acknowledging that your getting married might be hard for your
friends, you'll have your "girls" close by your side again.
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About the Author:
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Allison Moir-Smith, MA, specializes in counseling brides
during their engagements. She offers individual counseling and
The Emotions of Being Engaged workshops. ("Fun,
enlightening, and comforting," said a 2004 Bride.) For more information, visit the
Emotionally Engaged website or call 617-739-5353 for a free
20-minute consultation.
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