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| 3 to 6 Months Before the Wedding |
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Photo by
Lori DeSantis Photography
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THREE TO SIX
MONTHS before the wedding can be a strange and emotionally
challenging time for many brides. The planning is basically
done, but it's not time yet to address invitations or make
seating arrangements.
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In this empty space, difficult feelings of anger, sadness, and
fear often come up. And unfortunately, since there's nothing
that urgently needs doing, you can't really distract yourself.
You have to just feel the feelings.
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Many brides are surprised when this happens.
"This is supposed
to be the happiest time of my life!" they think to themselves.
"Why do I feel so bad sometimes?"
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Yes, happiness is a major part of being engaged -- you've found
your life partner, and you're getting married! But so are fear,
anger, and sadness.
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These difficult feelings are normal as you make this
transition from single to married, from fiance to wife. Experiencing and
understanding these difficult feelings prepares you for this
change.
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Every bride reacts to these big emotions differently. Some
brides fight with their fiance, friends, and parents. Others
withdraw into themselves, confused and depressed. Many obsess about details so much that they are panicky and irritable. All
of these reactions are normal during a major life transition
such as getting married. But it's a lot for one person to handle
- especially with the added stress of planning a wedding!
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I help brides sort through these emotions. I help them go
within themselves, go inside to figure out what feelings they
are feeling -- what feelings they're trying so hard to avoid
by fighting, withdrawing, or being obsessed with details. Is
she feeling afraid of separating from her family? Angry at her
fiance because she gave him an ultimatum? Sad about her
parents' divorce 10 years ago? Scared about losing "the girls"?
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Getting to the core feelings of anger, fear, or sadness -
looking beyond the hysteria surrounding bridesmaids dresses or
flower arrangements - is what separates brides who are merely
engaged from those who are emotionally engaged and
willing to learn and deepen into themselves during their
engagements.
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I support brides as they explore and experience these feelings,
difficult as it is. Because a feeling, once it is deeply felt,
passes through and subsides. And then the bride is left to
experience a fuller spectrum of feelings -- especially the joy,
magic and love of this profound time of life.
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About the Author:
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Allison Moir-Smith, MA, specializes in counseling brides
during their engagements. She offers individual counseling and
The Emotions of Being Engaged workshops. ("Fun,
enlightening, and comforting," said a 2004 Bride.) For more information, visit the
Emotionally Engaged website or call 617-739-5353 for a free
20-minute consultation.
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